(Source: mylifeasmar, via lolabejaysus)

i have had a very low tolerance for people & their idiotic ways lately. people really think i give two shits about what they have going on in their lives, when in reality i don’t. i am not offended when i am getting deleted off friends lists, or if people are too afraid to have a conversation with me, & ask other people about me. there was a life before they came around, & there is a life after them. i know my worth, & i am an awesome person. if you can’t handle my realness & honesty, then your loss, karma is a bitch, & i am only getting better. 

holla!

i am a bit sorry to those of you who hate reading about how in love i am (or not), but of all the things i am & can be, being in love with my husband is the most amazing experience i have ever tried to describe & share with the world. i am blessed, lucky, cursed, crazy, etc. call it what you want or what it may be but it is something else. i sometimes find myself so conflicted, overthinking everything to be too good to be true, but it’s not. i have yet to find evidence proving us anything other than in love. we live for each other. we are meant for each other. everything we do, we do it for the other. there’s never a decision in our control for me or him, without consideration of we or us. i would not be where i am today if he didn’t motivate me to do something with myself, since he was going to bootcamp to do something with himself, sacrifice, & work for a better future for us. it is such an amazing feeling knowing i am in love, & being loved back.being open with someone, & being able to keep it real. i love the person i am & have become since he came into my life. the way he makes me feel, & knowing how much he loves me, makes me love me. i have to be pretty cool to have such an amazing person care so much about me. there is nothing he wouldn’t do to keep or make me happy, & as much as i try to be & can be a pain. there is nothing i wouldn’t do to keep him happy & by my side. he knows what makes me smile & how to keep a smile on my face, no matter how bad of a day i am having, or am trying to have, & i adore his smile, & every other expression his face manages to make. as much as anyone would hate disagreeing with their significant others, i have grown to appreciate those moments & other hard times we have had to endure, because we went through it all together. i am even proud of those moments for how we handled them. we have yet to disagree on anything to the point of disrespecting each other. it is sad seeing relationships, love, & marriage being frowned upon because of inconsiderate people jumping in, throwing words around, & doing things for all for the wrong reasons. actions speak louder than words. people are so quick to throw a story out there but act completely against their words or the image they try portray to the rest of the world. anyways, back to the positive stuff. i absolutely love seeing people in love. really in love. the type of love that we have for each other, not a show or act for anybody. a love with nothing to prove. it is an amazing thing, love. i love it. i just want to shout it from.the rooftops & spread it like a virus. well i have rambled enough. finally sleepy. good night world. <3

i am so attached to him. i try so hard to fight it, & push him away, but in the end, i can’t help but want to be around him all the time. i drive myself crazy, & probably him too. when he’s not around, i miss him like crazy, but when he is around, i don’t want him smothering me. i think it’s this military life getting to me. we got through the first deployment with flying colors, & now i can’t help but think about the next one even though it shouldn’t be for a little while. i think i can handle the next one just as well, but at the same time, i am afraid i can’t. i didn’t want to get attached to him, & get used to him being around, but it seems like i have. i was losing sleep during the deployment from missing him & thinking about him, & now i find myself losing sleep & watching him sleep, & thinking to myself he’s really here, & i am so glad he is. but then i go from being glad, to being sad, because one day, he might not be here again for months at a time. i keep getting ahead of myself. time to slow down, & take things day by day. i love him, & i need to find more ways to show it & spoil him while he is still here. <3

it sucks caring for people. as stupid as people tend to be, i am still able to care about them & be there for them, when i should be saying you’re stupid, or i told you so, over & over again.

another thing that sucks is when people can’t come to me because they think they already know how i am going to react or judge. i wouldn’t say anything intentionally to hurt or put my friends down. the truth may hurt, but i’d rather be hurt by the truth than live a lie.

i also dislike when people know they’re doing something stupid & act like they don’t want people to know what they’re doing, but put it out there obviously.

also i find it weird that people ride so hard on another person’s title because of association & let it take over their lives. just because hector joined the marines, doesn’t mean i’m going flaunt & brag my title as a marine wife like it was something I worked hard for. it wasn’t hard for me to love, support him, & be by his side through everything. it was hard to be away from him & not hearing from him, but that’s apart of the life. people go through the same feelings i felt or feel all the time, military related or not. i loved him before he joined, i love him now, & i plan to keep loving him through whatever else comes our way.

that is all for now.

it sucks not being able to trust people. it gets lonely sometimes when the few people you do trust are so far away or unavailable.

it is easy to strike up a conversation & see if you can make it past the cover to judge the book. but lately all the books have been fictional, & i would rather stick to true stories.

i can’t seem to motivate myself to meet new people. i think i would rather be alone than risk being around someone i might not be able to stand. i sometimes have that mentality of you are who you kick it with. like maybe if i kick it with someone irritating, i might become irritating myself & not even know it, because i’ll force myself to get used to that irritating behavior. maybe i should get over that mentality & attempt to develop a variety of acquaintances. i think i am going to find a person to keep me in check just in case negative traits from new characters do rub off on me while i test these waters. wish me luck, i may be be going in!

i am not a morning person, but when i am greeted by the most amazing smile, hugs, & kisses my mornings a little easier than they used to be. i almost forgot how i used to wake up every morning & feel like the luckiest person alive, because i had him at my side.

this past deployment wasn’t as hard as i thought it would be. i just stayed busy, & lived life as normally as i could. i grew so used to doing things on my own, & now that i have him back, things seem to slowly going back to the way they were. i didn’t think it would take me this long to realize that he was really back & not going anywhere for a bit. since he joined the marines, every time we got to spend time together, he would have to leave me shortly after. for the past year & a half that he has been in, the most time i got to spend with him consecutively before he got deployed was month & a half. before he joined, the most time we spent apart the 2 years that we dated was a week.  i guess i got used to it him coming & going, & now that we have so much more time to spend together, i am afraid to get used to him being around. it sucks, but i have decided to continue to live each day to the fullest with him.

i am not a morning person, but he is starting to make me feel like one as each day goes by, & i reflect on the best part of waking up & seeing his face.

est. june4,2007. <3

my favorite places to vent. they always make me feel better, when i decide to lose my mind over things that don’t seem to make any sense at all, or things that have nothing to do with me. i just choose to get angry & crazy because i have nothing better to do. i lack that drama nonsense in my life. it’s pretty lovely.

so this week has been pretty boring due to me spending almost all of my free time making invitations for our wedding in june. as much as i love to procrastinate, i think it’s about time to get it together. even with all the procrastinating i have been doing, the wedding is actually coming together pretty well. it may not be the fanciest or well planned, but we will get to share our love with our family & friends, & that makes it priceless. i am getting super excited. i have so much more to say, but i am getting tired. to be continued…

good night.

so i’m laying in bed with my husband, & we’re talking about life & i come to the conclusion that i am going to be a super motivated wife minus the being a dirty whore part. i then ask him what is a nick name for a marine i should try to call him, he says devil dog. so i test it out. me: “my devil dog…ugh i just gagged a little.” him: looking at me in disgust & shock: “i almost threw up in your face.” me: “how sweet…”